One of the things I have learned is that people are in a hurry to change. Even if they have spent decades in some bad habit, they want the “fix” to be quick and painless. If it can’t be painless, at least it can be quick…and, don’t forget, simple.

The reality, of course, is that change takes time.

Sometimes, too, change is not going to be the change we plan. Change WILL happen—it always does—but perhaps not in the way we expected or hope.

This tendency to be in a hurry has some vexing effects in therapy. For example, no matter how carefully we rehearse relaxation techniques in session, many clients, who are in a hurry to feel better, will actually exacerbate their stress or anxiety level by executing the relaxation techniques very quickly when they are out of my office. They complain it is “not working,” and when they demonstrate, they are rushing. It can take a long time to convince people that you cannot relax in a hurry!

Similarly, the lifestyle and counseling strategies for depression, grief, anxiety, panic and PTSD all take a while. A month of concerted effort will yield noticeable results, but for people who are in psychological pain, this is “too slow.” Of course, no one wants to suffer. This impatience persists and often leads to giving up on therapy.

What’s the take-away for all of us?

Try to slow down.

Eat more slowly. Breathe slowly. Do our homework (school and therapy) more slowly. Listen carefully, read thoughtfully.

Accept that every slow, deliberate rehearsal of change is a step towards creating new mental highways that can, if you persist, replace the ones you have been inadvertently “repaving” through repetition for days, weeks or years. It is not a fast change. Insight (the A-ha moment) happens quickly. Actual change is usually annoyingly slow, but that slow change can be, and result in, something wonderful!

D Puterbaugh © 2015