Tag Archives: self esteem

New Year’s Resolutions (past tense already?)

Well, it’s not quite the Feast of Epiphany…and a lot of New Year’s resolutions have come and gone. If you have “failed” in some way, you can always start over. To kick off a series on making the new year better, here are some thoughts:

  1. Why do so many people set goals like punitive parents, taking away privileges or pleasures, instead of setting goals of doing something? When you make a goal of dietary changes, why do you have to be a mean parent, taking away your own cheesy poofs, instead of a helpful coach, suggesting you have a serving of fresh fruit or vegetable once a day?
  2. Do you have an old goal – an old hope, or change – that you have postponed making? You keep postponing a particular trip? Never get around to playing the guitar again? A change in hairstyle that’s long overdue (yes, if you had your hair that way in the senior picture, it’s too long overdue if you’re out of college), or some more meaningful change? Maybe you need to revisit that change. It might be time.
  3. Are you picking a fight with someone else’s goals for you? Sometimes failure to reach a goal may be a way of exerting control. Consider carefully if a goal that is really good for you is the smart place to dig in and take a stand for independence…maybe your healthy libertarian streak would be better served taking a stand somewhere else, than resisting making a change that is medically advisable or spiritually essential.

Hoping to chime in often with short, sweet and psychologically healthy changes to make 2016 a great year!

Dr. Lori Puterbaugh

© 2016

Posts are for information and entertainment purposes only and should not be construed to be therapeutic advice. If you are in need of mental health assistance, please contact a licensed professional in your area.

 

Fun with Happiness

We went to Mt. Dora, FL for a couple of days’ getaway and had visited the wonderful used-and-new book store, Barrel of Books and Games, twice before 24 hours passed. I have been devouring the insightful and fun, The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. So many take-aways, starting with (for her) “Be Gretchen.” In other words, don’t try to force yourself to be happy by being/doing/pursuing what makes other people happy. Sounds obvious, but trust me, from this side of the therapy couch, that’s not what usually happens. Most people are not busy being themselves, they are miserably plodding away trying to be someone else. They run, or spin, or meditate, or work longer hours, because other people claim it makes them happier. It might not be making the person in question happier, but darn it, it’s supposed to…so there they go.

Today I was being myself. I went for a walk, went to church, and, having the morning “off” before an afternoon and evening seeing clients, had fun writing the bulk of an article on family therapy and national politics (yeah, that’s hard to explain – a post for another day), working on a large graphite still life, and picking out clothes to donate. My husband asked me, “Weren’t you going to kick back this morning?” Well, I was kicking back…being me. Someone else has her version of a chilled-out morning, and I have mine.

When you are being you, what’s different?

How much time today did you spend being someone else?

 

Dr. Lori Puterbaugh

© 2015

Posts are for information and entertainment purposes only and should not be construed to be therapeutic advice. If you are in need of mental health assistance, please contact a licensed professional in your area.

Are the popular kids running your life?

Are the popular kids still running your life? Sure, you’re a competent, confident grown-up, more worried about your kids or family members being bullied than yourself, but that doesn’t mean you’re immune to caving in to the popular kids. Before you pooh-pooh the idea, consider…

How much time do you spend comparing yourself, or your stuff, to other people and their stuff?

Checked Facebook lately? Felt slighted because no one “liked” your latest post? Feeling badly because everyone seems to be having a more fun, exciting life than you?

Does an innocuous compliment from a stranger make you glow, like an approving word from your kindergarten teacher would have?

Do you read gossip magazines?

Do you go-along-to-get-along even when it’s uncomfortable for you? Examples: joining the work bunch for lunch out when it’s doesn’t fit your budget; having that piece of cake even though you and your medical conditions don’t’ think it’s a good idea, or contributing to yet another office pool for a lottery ticket or shower gift?

If you have interests that are outside the typical range, do you hide your light under a bushel basket because you worry others will think you’re odd? Not mentioning it because you are a private person is different; if you are selectively mentioning the activities you believe other people will “get” and never mentioning your passion for volunteering at the museum or reading everything you can about the history of aviation (because they aren’t “cool” in the popular people’s opinions), then you are caving in to the popular.

Are you picking up the slack for people beyond the point of it being part of being a good team player and developing a more-than-sneaking suspicion that it’s a one-sided deal?

In short…are you letting the popular kids run your life?

Wasn’t the misery of the middle school cafeteria experience enough for you?…Or are you reliving just a little bit of that, every day?

D Puterbaugh © 2015